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painful reminder... - just how deep do you believe?

May. 18th, 2012

10:45 pm - painful reminder...

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I went in about three weeks ago and took my great grandfather's medals from my grandmother's dresser so that I could surprise her and put them in a shadowbox TO BE DISPLAYED AT HER HOUSE for her 78th birthday if she got to come home from the hospital. When I realized that she would never be able to come home, I returned them to her house and handed them to my mom to return to their spot in her dresser. Of course, my mom being the way that she is, went and told my grandfather that I had taken them and that she "rescued" them from me and returned them. He never even adknowledged that I returned them or anything. I assumed it was all good and smoothed over.

Well, my grandmother Wilma A. Lancaster died on her 78th birthday- May 11th 2012. She was my best friend in my eyes. So, at her very painful memorial service on May 15th (my daughter's 1st birthday, by the way), my grandfather completely ignored me. Pushed me away, even. The whole family acted like I was just a nuisance and like I was in the way. I couldnt figure out why, and I had no reason to even guess why he was being that way. Then, i started noticing him talking to everyone else... he came home and checked the door to see if i had broken in to the house when he got there because he didnt realize that my brother was there before me to unlock the door. I was confused.

Well, apparently, the paperwork that originally went with the medals from about 75 years ago is missing. I never had it, and had never seen it in any of the 300 times that my grandmother had shown them to me. He just assumed that I had the paperwork and never returned it. Whats more, he thinks that i maliciously stole from him while his wife was sick. This isnt his grief talking.. this isnt his pain making him act out, he has been...let's say...disinterested in me for about the last 13 years. Since I turned 18 and made him mad once, he just really hasnt had any interest in me whatsoever. Would never talk to me, would never call me, anything. I never had a reason why. I had no idea until my mother told me that he was upset at me for "stealing those medal documents and not returning them" that he was even upset with me, i just figured it was his nerves over his wife passing. Nope... he pulled all the other kids aside and talked to them and told me to sit down and not be there. He didnt talk to me about her dying, and he just didnt act right. I had no idea what was going on. I just left and didnt try to call him or anything.

So---fast forward to today... I called him to invite him to my daughter's first birthday party on sunday may 20th. He said "i think im gonna sit this one out. Frankly i am disappointed. Do you know why?"
I said no, and he said "when your grandmother was sick in the hospital, some things went missing and only part of them came back, and I dont appreciate that at all. In fact, what gives you the right to take my things without any warning or notice? I dont ever want to see you or your kids or husband's face around my house again, and i dont want to hear from you again. I dont trust you and until you can learn to act right and stop stealing from people, I dont want anything to do with you."

I just said "ok, fine" and hung up the phone.

I am completely without any idea of what to do at this point....I am DONE. NO MORE BEING HURT. I cant do it anymore. Either they will talk to me or they wont, but they will NOT hurt me just to get close to my kids. Fuck that, and fuck them.

I have decided that Thanksgiving and Christmas will be celebrated wherever he will NOT be from now on. I cant do it anymore. No more farce. There is no reason for it.

Comments:

[User Picture]
From:ciararavenblaze
Date:May 19th, 2012 04:23 am (UTC)
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know what?

your grandfather is a FUCKING ASSHOLE DUMB-FUCK. his loss. it might hurt for you too, but HE is missing out, NOT YOU. end of story.

and I'm not sorry for saying so. if it upsets you, I'm sorry for THAT, but my feelings remain--that is NOT the way to handle things.
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[User Picture]
From:subsonicflame
Date:May 19th, 2012 10:44 pm (UTC)
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Yep. Done. Family is great, so long as they're loving. When they're not, though, you're much better off not seeing them.
Not only is it not worth your time, they'll only hurt you anyway.
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[User Picture]
From:subsonicflame
Date:May 19th, 2012 10:45 pm (UTC)
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that didn't quite come out the way i wanted it, my english isnt what it used to be :\
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[User Picture]
From:dovetail66
Date:May 20th, 2012 03:26 am (UTC)
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I love you so much, Marijn. :) one day we should meet. it would be epic.
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[User Picture]
From:shevabree
Date:May 21st, 2012 09:07 pm (UTC)
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Your mother sounds a bit like mine. A manipulative bitch. I recommend cutting contact and let them come to you if they want you in their life.
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